Sunday, November 27, 2011

GoodBye !

This is for all those who are not worth being a part of my life !

I am telling this to myself again ,
To love myself ,
Feel free to not give a s**t
To those who don't even want to understand you .....
It's no use becoming a lotus
When the mud around doesn't even begin to appreciate your worth.......
I always thought this was being bad !
And if I did something like this ,
And such things just wouldn't come out of me....
Like automatic spam-detection blocks .
I always looked at the world through rose-tinted glasses......
I always went with what I wanted to believe in.........
What I desperately wanted to miraculously become true.....
Even though evidences to the contrary stared me in the eye......
And it's this fact that dawns before me ,
Tis'  just that my mind knew it......
But my heart took so long to accept.........
The only virtue in life is being true to yourself
And do good to thyself......
Not to bother being nice to those people
Who clearly don't seem to be in the same mood !
Never to cast your pearls before swine ,
They can't appreciate a diamond from a pebble.....
And if you give them a diamond ,
They'll throw mud at you .
You are a worthless guy !
And that is why you are so insecure ,
And that's what makes you so selfish ,
So stubborn on winning an argument , without a point ........
And maybe , you sit smug now !
Coz in your tiny little mind ,
You have scored over someone.....
Who is not as mean and dumb as you ,
But it was better for me ........
Coz you don't lose much
As you have nothing , that can be lost ........
But I lose , when I'm with you .........
So happy to say
Goodbye !





Of Peculiar Uncles and Chocolates !

                                   And so it is .........the end of one week , once again ! It is that every Sunday , I never stop falling in awe of the fact that one more week has passed by irrevocably ......and it's kind of scary when you see time flying faster than an albatross before you . I literally saw the white albatross before my eyes now as I sit typing this away on my laptop , and it gave me the chills !!!!! Whoo !!!!
                       
                                      I am tempted to share something of what happened last Sunday . Well , it's not the juicy kind of temptation you might expect ( Trust me , I so wish it would have been true , sigh ! ) .

                                       I started working on a presentation I would be giving on " Simplified techniques of Breast examination " . I called Needy ( For those of you who need an introduction , refer to my post " The Facebook Sister " ) for help and we decided to meet up at my uncle's house . Now my uncle , a general surgeon , when you have a first glance at him , and actually have lots of glances everyday , will become sure of the belief that he should have somehow been at the Amazon jungle . For the man never ever smiles ( even courteously ) , is short and dark , and I am pretty much sure his hair has never ever seen the teeths of a comb . So , it is I enter his house , Needy in tow ........I had already informed him , I would be coming with a friend ! And as soon as he saw the malnutritioned specimen , Miracle of Miracles , my uncle gave me such a broad smile of his white teeth spreading across his black face , that I just immediately felt shy and confused . I looked down and then up , at Needy whose face wore  his omnipresent clueless expression just to hear Uncle's rejoinder , " Oh ! So THIS is the FRIEND you were  referring to " , promptly garnished with ( Gasp ! ) a wicked glint in his eyes . Did the set of eyes and lips I just saw , actually belonged to him ?

                                         What is it with elders and their hyperactive minds ............I guess nobody's an exception when it comes to age - related idiosyncrasies ? Hushed whispers of this uncle's wife and how she's married the wrong person proliferate abundantly among our relatives' circles . My closest friend , ( let's call her S , mostly because she has an incredibly long name ) retorted I should have clicked a photo of his on that exact opportune moment , and with the date and time written , sent it to his in-laws .........They would be so happy and relieved ! Perhaps I only need to mention Needy before him ..........oh my Needy , I bet you should be so proud of yourself ..........you have become the official aphrodisiac to someone's happiness on Earth ............Gosh ! this is so much a teary - eyed moment for both of us !

                                          And now the rest of my week was spent working on that very presentation , It's one of the things I am already regretting because the date just keeps getting postponed on and on ....... , waking up with a start just before 7 am to actually , physically run to my class , dancing impromptu on one or two evenings , even if that means facing an acute leg pain the next day ....( I have hypokalemia , that's the deficiency of potassium and electrolyte imbalance on and off  , which still doesn't stop me from dancing like mad ! ) , lots of laughs shared with friends and of course , my daily binging on my sweet cravings ......( If I would have been some monster in children's stories , I would have been the one who gobbles up all the sweets and candies and ice-cream.............and yes, then got killed by the fairy ! ( Wait a minute ! Do fairies kill ? )..............and celebrating an all chocolate evening the day before yesterday when I totally gorged on chocolate pastry , my favourite butterscotch coated  chocolate and downing it all with hot chocolate again ! Yumm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                

Friday, November 25, 2011

Notes from the diary ( of the father of a young girl ) ........

  This is something I imagine what an entry from the diary of my dad would look like.....

              Let's just skip the " Dear Diary " part because I seriously find it too ostentatious , see it is you are not writing to some diary ( except of course , if you are a 13 year old girl ) , face it....you are writing it to yourself .

          Anyway, ahem......

                  Today was good . We went to see a movie , (Shikha's choice ) [ I popping in a bubble - That's my Mom ! and seriously that was my Mom's choice ! ] , Tees Maar Khan ( Never mind , this is an old diary entry ! ).....there was nothing in it actually , but I guess nowadays movies are made like that.......although I couldn't understand why Pummy ( Whoa ! For all of you out there , dats my nickname ! ) was looking so angry while watching a comedy movie . Nevertheless , I am glad I could prevent her from going to the hall only with her sister . God knows, if she had gone there like that , she would have probably sat near that unkempt boy ( Nowadays' boys ! ) . Remember the expression on his face , and how he was still looking at her during the interval .....And why did Pummy have to look so astonished when I told her to sit in between me and her mother ? Gosh ! When will that girl develop some sense ?

                  Aah ! The last time she had given me an even more peculiar , weird expression was when we had gone to drop her off at the station . It was just that the stupid boy on the upper berth was smiling and I think , she was doing so too........Ya ........ , then , Shikha had reminded her to go to the bathroom before sleeping ..............Ah ! Yes , sometimes my wife does the right thing ! [ I in a bubble - That line was followed by a sudden silence .................................................................................................................................................and I can't quite decipher why parents tell you things ( particulary obnoxious ) , in front of strangers, they never say to you any other day of your life ! ]

                 And why does she increase her friend's list on  that Facebook . Today she has 5 new friends on there , yesterday I checked it was 3 . I can't understand this interacting with friends online when she can just talk to them everyday while in college ? How could she have so many friends from her schools ?

                 Why is she rejecting the good marriage proposals that come in ? Does she have a ...............? No.................I hope not !  Naah , Surely , No !  Or is it ..........?  The last time it was that engineer , decent fellow actually ..........but not good enough for my princess ! Sigh ! Atleast she should have considered him ! Where from will I bring her the perfect man ? All this takes time , na ! ................ [ Bubble - Well, Dad ! I did check him out , and it was an embarassing experience for both of us ! (the details of which I'll write some other day ) . And you don't need to find  someone , I'll do the needful ....................and there really is a lot of time ] .

                    And what is this new philosophy she has started spearheading ! Says she will not marry till she's 30 . Good God ! Please give some sense to my daughter ! What is this ? Is she nuts ? Does she know what she's speaking ? [ Bubble - Dad , I just love to piss you off by cracking such one-liners......hey , but you really get so worked up ! By the way , I rephrase my statement - I 'll not marry till I'm ATLEAST 30 ] .

                     Couldn't speak to her tonight . She was busy attending some other call . Who could she be talking to ?  And why so much time ? Anyway, though she called me back after my 3 calls only ......

                      So, got to sleep now............. and yes , Oh God ! Wherever she is, however she is ,   .........Never forget to Take Care of my dear sweet , quirky , little girl !

Thursday, November 24, 2011

The ' Facebook ' Sister !

            I don't quite know what to make of this , but it happened just last Sunday when I was chatting up my friend ( let's call him Needy because he should have rightly been the poster boy for India's malnutritioned ). I still call him ' Malnutritioned ' by the way . Sometimes he's ' Immunocompromised ' or ' Baggy pants ' ......all medical terms, excuse me ! " Immunocompromised " is verbatim , when your immunity is compromised and you attract diseases like Rakhi Sawant to mindless controversy and " Baggy pants " is a sign to detect low weight for age in children when you don't seem to have a proper ahem......posterior, in which case your pants are doomed to suffer a ' wardrobe malfunction ' unless your modesty is salvaged by that humble belt .

           During the course of our conversation, I happened to ask him why he left ( our dear, indispensable ) Facebook just as I joined it . Well, it was that the invention of Mark Zuckerberg had been " non-productive " for him .

           Well, of course it means what you think it is . His online dating experiences didn't turn up any results , and wonder of wonders, he's ended up with what I think an evolutionary mutation on the virtual planet - An online sister called " The Facebook Sister " .

          Now how exactly does one end up this way ? I nudged Needy to share the dynamics of this social networking aberration but he wouldn't say, despite my best attempts ( which included bribing the boy with chocolates ) . Everyone knows social networking sites are a favoured  hunting ground for potential mates / boyfriends / girlfriends . Interested in ' making brothers/sisters ' is something I'm not quite sure one would want to come across, and if by a freak chance one did, would be a sure put down . Needy says that both of them had become very close through their online interactions. But surely, being very close to a sister is a direct U-turn from being very close to a friend . I know of most guys who cringe at the thought of Raksha Bandhan and would rather stay at home than risking by any tragic encounter, any thread tying by their favourite females. I myself remeber grudgingly tying rakhis to my classmates when small , just because the other girls were doing so , when clearly I had no such " brotherly " feelings for those guys , if you know what I mean ; )

            And now my Needy has ended up with his Facebook sister. Both of them had even scheduled to meet, what with I agreeing to let her stay  in my hostel room . But she didn't come.....perhaps she thought it better to tie the rakhi online ......

           And as for Needy,  exasperated and without any further success on " flirt interests " , this time too , ( poor guy's been trying to get lucky since time immemorial ! ) he has torn himself apart from the seductions of the site .

           And as for me, I tell him , never to give up even if that means you end up becoming the doting , adorable brother to lots of giggling girls .

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Hitched !

             Whoa ! Before you jump to any obvious conclusions , ' hitched ' here doesn't mean I'm hitched to someone but it is hitched as in tying the knot with my profession ! I know I may have quelled any hopes of entertainment out now , but this post finds itself as a  culmination of what I feel day in and day out ! And since you are reading my blog , you will only get to read about me, right !

              As a doctor, the very strenous nature and expanse of our study and the required practical involvement with patients day in and day out , not to mention the compatibility, "chemistry", equality and stability that a relationship between theoretical knowledge and the actual clinical scenario demands, there is little time left for us to actually attain the luxury of a personal life. Infact I dread to think of those who have additional family responsibilities.  That's one reason why my singledom is too precious to me :)

             As for me, after leaving for college at 7:00 am and studying till 9:00pm, which is not even remotely sufficient for the day's work, I find myself desperately craving for some ' Me ' time....

             And now I arrive at the precipice of shock to even think of the fact that I may be growing unidimensionally. It is imperative to grow and evolve as time passes and thus life grows , otherwise I feel like a river which has stopped flowing and turned stagnant . I just don't feel natural and sane .

              I would say this, about our professional community . As doctors, we sacrifice our personal lives at the altar of the demands of our profession . Have you ever read about or met a doctor whose conversation doesn't revolve around his work and his patients ? And what is it that we get ? I am not saying that I don't get anything , no, definitely not ! I am priveleged to be a part of the most noble occupation here in the world. But if it is at the expense of my personal life , the motivation quotient gets diminished. At the end of the day if I am not happy and fulfilled, honestly then , my efforts towards helping others will also not bear the sincerity it requires .

             It's very difficult to bring a balanced juxtaposition of the twain. Nevertheless, vital for the growth of my soul. Yeah, I know it sounds so esoteric, but this is how I feel and this is how I have always been .

             There are miles to travel and milestones to conquer. It's like what Newton said , " I feel like a child playing on the beach , and the entire ocean of truth lies undiscovered before me ."

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Less than Perfect ....

Why is it that I don't feel so beautiful ?
The imperfections of the world when I realise ,
I know I am not living in a beautiful world...
A world which is nowhere near my expectations...
Of beauty and happiness...
A world which I grew up , believing to be...
The Visage of a poet's Vision...
For the heart that rests inside thyself...
Is veritably the heart of a poet...
With stars in her eyes...
And feet in the clouds..
Trying everyday to make sense through
The haze that is the conundrum of the world....
And I realize ,
The world is what it is...
It will not change for you or me...
Nobody knows why God embroidered senseless pain and hurt in the fabric of life.....
And I often find myself thinking so....
Maybe , it's just the Tapestry of  Time....
Which is incomplete without its night....
And the day that follows after....
For , The world remains what it is...
It will not change for you or me...


I think I'm falling for you...

I can't believe you did it again ,
Walked by and took my heart with you....
You popped up once more ,
Just when I was thinking 'bout you....
Why do you look so beautiful ,
Even when you are angry ...
Don't you know I'm trying to have a dream
Without you being in the story...
You step into the room ...
And I find you walking towards me...
The earth stops moving...
And everything gets blurred except he...
All I can hear is the sound of my heart thumping..
Am I in a movie scene ,
Coz you are all my eyes can drift to...
My heart's bubbling with hopes pristine...
When you throw that angelic smile at me ...
Do you have any idea ,
How it sweeps me away !
Why I can never stop smiling as I write this...
And while I think of what you do to me every day...
When your eyes meet mine...
It's difficult not to lock mine with them...
Why do words escape my lips ?
As I struggle to start my breath again ...
Why do you make me feel so dizzy ?
Leave me smiling all alone...
Why I find myself searching for you always.....so crazy .....
Why ,I think I'm falling for you...., my heart's leapt and gone !

The Lily in my Dream ....

Here's another poem by me.....

Stepping above through the accretions of a Midsummer Night's dream...
I entered a world which the beauteous doors of imagination opened for me....
When the world outside was imbued with the shades of grey and tints of black...
And turmoil made inroads into an erstwhile heaven of peace....
The spiders of greed threatened to cast a net over simplicity....
Hey, I found myself walking through the crystal clouds...
The refulgent rays of the smiling Sun lit the ambience like yellow chandeliers....
The whistling breeze teased me...
And the cool wind playfully danced through my hair...
I slid like a child...
Through the foamy white...
Insouciantly streaked across the blue firmament.....
I immersed myself...
Soaking into the depth of purity...
Breathing in the Fragrance of Freshness...
Losing myself in the mellifluous cadence of the twittering birds...

But Hey ! Did someone call my name ?
I turned around , I found a flower....
A small white lily it was - " What did it wanna say ? "

She asked me ,
" Dear , can you tell me which is the more beautiful ,
  Is it the sun ,
  Which gives light to everyone ?
  Or is it the moon ,
  Which lights the night, and for us is a boon ? "

I stood puzzled ,
Not knowing what to say....
The Lily smiled and she said ,
   " Dear, it's neither the sun
      Which although spreads light ,
        But snatches the light of that eye ,
         Which at it stares ....
      Nor is it the moon ,
        Which although lits the night ,
           Tis' light is stolen from the sun ....."

My cheeks pierced with their dimples ,
As Intuition drew in  its curtains ,
And I replied ," Yeah , it's neither
The Sun nor the Moon .....
But it is in fact , the humble Star ...
Which neither steals light
Nor blinds someone....
The Star is beautiful , because...
It shines with its Own Light....."

And then I closed my eyes ,
To awake back into the world of reality , ....
Where this figment of imagination will remain ,
My companion ever and forever ....